What do I want to do with my life? Making sense of feeling stuck

“I don’t know what I want to do with my life”

“Is this what I really want?”

“Am I making the right decision?”

“I am ready for this to change.”

Working as a psychologist for many years, I find these are the thoughts that clients bring to therapy time and time again. Alongside them is often a feeling of uncertainty, a concern about getting it wrong, about deciding to go down a path that would mean feelings of regret further down the line.

Why big life decisions can feel overwhelming

Often there is a decision to be made. What career will bring fulfilment? Is this the person I want to be in a long-term relationship with? Do I want to have a baby or do I want to remain childfree?

These are knotty problems. There is pressure, from friends, parents, Instagram, and wider society, to make the most of the time available, to get it right, and to avoid regret, disappointment or shame.

In my experience over more than 15 years of wrangling with these questions in the therapy room, I have found the following ideas can offer some structure, or perhaps some clarity, to untangling the uncertainty that inevitably comes to us all.

Living in the grey 

We often want certainty that the decision made is the right one. As humans, we look for a clear sign, like a strong feeling that removes any doubt. However, many of life’s biggest decisions don’t come with that kind of clarity. This is often how it’s meant to be – can you imagine how bland life would feel if you knew exactly what you were going to do and how it would turn out?

It can be helpful to learn to live in the grey, and to accept that uncertainty is part of the process. When we do this, it creates space to move forward without being 100% sure first.

Opposing ideas can be true at the same time

You might love aspects of your job and still feel ready to leave.

You might care deeply about someone and still question the relationship.

You might want children and also feel unsure about what that would mean for your life.

These aren’t signs that something is wrong, they’re signs that you’re thinking about something that matters. Holding both sides, rather than forcing a quick answer, is part of making a thoughtful and considered decision.

Important decisions involve loss as well as gain

Change can be hard, even when you believe something is right for you. There may be a sense of loss – of familiarity, of ease, of what you’ve known up until now.

Even small things, like routine or a favourite lunch spot, can carry meaning. These are all valid parts of the decision-making process.

Instead of asking “what’s the right choice?” it can be more helpful to ask, “which choice feels more aligned with who I am and how I want to live?”

Getting support when you feel stuck

If you find yourself feeling uncertain or feeling overwhelmed by the weight of a decision, it can help to talk things through with someone who can offer space, perspective, and support.

Therapy can be a helpful place to explore feeling stuck in life and to make sense of what matters to you. You don’t need to have the answers before you begin - making sense of the uncertainty is often the first step towards moving forward.